I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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