he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
