He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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