That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
