I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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