she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
