I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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