You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
