I heard we made out
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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