ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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