Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My vagina is officially offended.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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