We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
