i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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