Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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