If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
