Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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