And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
