I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
