how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
