Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
