yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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