that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my shit smells like andre
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
