apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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