I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
