grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
