just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
