how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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