david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
