I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
