I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
