You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
