He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
