i was born a porn star she said
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
