I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
