It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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