Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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