I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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