I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
