Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
