next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
