if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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