My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
