She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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