You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
