My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
