Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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