He is such a slut. More and more my type.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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