I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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