We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
