He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
