I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
