It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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