I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
